Diabetes Sucks Balls
This week it feels like my control has just gone to shit. The only thing I can think of it being is my honeymoon period.
Yesterday I woke up like I had been hit by a bus. I wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep forever. It was 05.30 and I had to go to work, the thought of which made me well up with tears.
I felt exhausted and wondered if I was coming down with a bug. I scanned the Libre sensor on my arm and knew why I felt so awful...
I had a hypo overnight that lasted for almost 6-hours. I remember having really vivid dreams, but I don't recall waking up. Generally if I wake, I'll scan my arm just to check.
I started my morning routine but couldn't concentrate on anything. I considered calling in sick but felt guilty so I trooped on.
I felt so sick, I literally couldn't bring myself to eat anything before I left so I packed a cereal bar and banana for breakfast to have a bit later. After I left for work, I realised I had made a HUGE mistake and I definitely didn't feel safe to be driving.
The sensible thing to do would have been to stop and call in, but I wasn't really thinking rationally and I just thought I had left it too late to drop them in it so I carried on.
I was a mess for the whole day and work. Counting prisoners as they move around the prison is a fundamental part of my job. I had a gaggle (is that the correct term for a collective of prisoners?!) that I had to count and I kept getting to four and getting stuck. My colleague huffed and tutted at me like I was useless.
I also had one prisoner tell me I looked really tired. I asked if that was a polite way of saying I looked like shit to which I got a, 'yes miss.'
Throughout the day, my BG varied anywhere between 3mmol/l and 19mmol/l. That night I was in bed by 21.00 and forgot to set my alarm for the next day.
I hoped that it was just a bad day, but today has been no different. I still feel exhausted today and my BG is out of control.
My Libre graph for today resembles the Himalayas...
Where am I going so wrong all of a sudden? I saw on Instagram that someone was taking part in an NHS experiment to try and extend the honeymoon period. WHY THE F**K WOULD YOU WANT TO?!
I feel awful saying this, but I want my Pancreas to pack in completely so I can have a little bit more consistency. I am so deflated. Can I get off this train please?