A Day Of Recovery 🧘🏼♀️
When I first started this blog, I promised that I would be 100% honest to show the ugly side of Diabetes and the impact it has on your life.
Although not necessarily Diabetes related, I haven't been completely upfront. For years now, I have suffered on and off with anxiety and depression. No matter how low I feel, everyday I put on a mask and hope that no one can see past it.
The anxiety reared its ugly head after my week of nights, probably due to being overtired, but it still hasn't gone away. I always brush things off as being something else. I only realised I was spiralling yesterday.
I realised I wasn't looking after myself. I have been skipping meals because I just can't be bothered. When I have meals, I sometimes miss injections. I have been isolating myself, avoiding humans as much as physically possible.
I convince myself that the people around me are talking about me, hate me or see me as a sugar-free burden 😂 I also question how my partner could possibly love me and tell myself he can do so much better.
My work colleagues have made comments about how tired I look, asking if I'm sick and telling me I look pale. I just brush them off by saying I didn't sleep well and I scurry away to do anything to get me out of the way.
My emotions have also been out of control. I cry about the most ridiculous things (Strictly Come Dancing... 😂)
This is the first time I've felt this way since being diagnosed with Diabetes. As I mentioned in my last post, I have been overwhelmed by how round-the-clock Diabetes management is.
But is Diabetes the reason for my latest hurdle? I genuinely don't think so, although it is definitely a contributing factor.
At the moment, I am living life in the fast lane. I work long shifts, have a newly backed young horse and my partner lives nearly 100 miles away. This combined with 24/7 Diabetes care is grinding me down.
I am on a rest day today, so I have decided to just stop. I have had a day to chill out and do the things I love.
I had a lay in this morning, I slept until 9am which meant I had 10-hours sleep! I got up and walked the dogs in the forest. Autumn is my absolute favourite time of year and today was literally the most beautiful day without a cloud in sight.
I have foraged for Chestnuts to roast and I made myself a healthy lunch. This afternoon I spent time with Mannie (my golden unicorn), giving her a good groom and riding her.
This evening I have had a relaxing bubble bath and I intend to have an early night.
As cliché as it sounds, I honestly feel like a new woman. Sometimes it just takes me a while to realise how important it is to look after myself and that I am in need of self-care.
Hopefully now I'm aware what is going on, things will improve. It isn't just my Diabetes that I need to manage, it's my mental health too.
Soon I will be back to being the glittering, sassy and optimistic delight I usually am 😏🦄